the strange effects of olive oil
by dancesxwithxwolfsx
Summary: jacob and emmeett have a bet.lets just say never drink olive oil if your a vampire a humorous story with special guests THE VOTURI.
1. the bet

**Hey everybody, this is me new story **

**This is my first time.**

**Hope you like it.**

**The bet of guitar hero**

**EdPOV**

I called bella.

'Would you please help me get these to idiots away from each other before I explode'

these two idiots were Emmett and Jacob.

'What's the problem?' she said coming toward the room.

'these twits decided to have a bet to see who is the king of guitar hero!' I yelled

the looser which will be Jacob will have a makeover courtesy of alice' emmett said

'nooo, the looser that's emmett will have to drink 20 litres of olive oil' jacob said

'well that explains it self ,well im off to go shopping ' bella says

'who wants to go shopping' alice beamed

'alice is your soloution too everything shoping' I say

'nooo, sometimes I give makeovers to jasper'

jasper happened to walk down the stairs and heard everting she said

'did someone say makeover, ahhh run to the hills' jasper crashes through our very double-glazed window.

esme came with murder on her face

' who said the m word?'

'is it monopoly?'alice says

'magic'I said

'mmmmm….McDonalds?' bella says

'no i ment makeover!!!'esme says loudly

japer yells out ' ahhhh run to the pyramids' from far away

'I think you did esme' I say laughing, she glared at which ment I should stop.

'esme can you get these to idiots out of here, I have to take renesme to the zoo'bella says

Rosalie appeared out of no where 'why dose she want to go to the zoo, when we have to

to chips right here and a lion from wizard of oz running for the pyramid'

'HEY , it's a mummy, run to Alaska to Tanya'jasper yells

'hey come back here you' alice calls

I can hear jaspers mind –' _run even faster'_

' im going to get my guitar be right back' Jacob says heading out the door.

'great, ill just use jasper's' emmett calls

**thanks for reading, **

**there will me more. **

**please review. it would mean a lot. **


	2. who wins

**Hey everyone, I do not own twilight **

**I hope you like this chapter **

**Chapter2 –who wins?**

**Edpov **

Emmett calls from the game room 'woo I'm on level 22 I've only got 8 levels left'

'Yeah well I have 7 levels left' Jacob calls back

'damm'

'Someone's going to drink 20 litres of olive oil' Jacob says

'I'm not cleaning that mess up' Bella runs

TWO HOURS LATER

All of us staring at the guitar player screen cheering for Emmett and some how the wolfs got in and they were cheering for Jacob

'I'm on level thirty, woo'

'I'm already on that level and half way through it'

'Ah damm' Jacob says in disappointment

'I'm nearly close to the end, yes' and stupid Emmett breaks his guitar

'Oh not my guitar nooooooo' jasper cries

Jacob yells out 'i'm the king of guitar hero' about 20 times

'Wait a sec, where on earth will I get 20 litres of olive oil' Emmett said gladly

'In a shop' I say laughing

'Very funny, at least you're not drinking it'

'Don't worry Emmett I all ready brought you some' japer calls

'Thanks a lot bro,'

'Your welcome' jasper says gladly

In jasper mind-_'that's what you get'_

'Time for your makeover Jacob' Alice sang

'WHAT?!!' Jacob yells

'You didn't finish the game dummy' Emmett calls out

Jacob looks at his screen and the game is still there 'ugh, let the torture begin'

2 hours later Emmett just drank a whole lot of olive oil

**Rpov**

Carlisle came through the door. Thank god Emmett was done drinking that smelly oil. He sat on the couch right next to Esme

'You know I had a strange think to tell you' Carlisle began

'What is it?' Esme asked

'when I was living with the volturi , Aro asked to go through some stuff which was in the box and I came across olive oil which happened to have a strange big red huge sticker that said……….

**Find out what happens next in my new chapter**

**Review, review **

**It would mean a lot **

**Thanks... **

**Christal :)**


	3. let the crazyiness begin

**Hey everyone**

**Hope you like this chapter**

**I do not own twilight**

**Chp.3 let the craziness begins**

**Rpov**

_**Continued**_

'….don't drink or it will make you go hyper and bizarre'

We looked at Emmett

'I'm okay' he said 'who wants to play leap frog!'

'.!'

'Technically I can't die but it my wear off in a day or two'

Before I could say anything Emmett had started to sing 'Chihuahua theme song' off tune.

'A day!' I said.

Alice and Jacob came downstairs then.

I burst out laughing, Jacob was wearing a Short Olive Green Halter Top dress, with Crocodile heart shaped peep shoes Also Light green lipstick and Green Rhinestone Necklace.** (Outfit on profile)**

Emmett walks toward him 'pretty lady'

Jacob runs for his life and his wig falls off and falls off his shoes.

'I love doing makeovers, who's next?' says Alice

'Not me, run to narnia' Jasper yells

'It's not a real place'' Edward says

'You just ruin all the fun' jasper sticks out his tongue

'Hey where's Emmett?' I say

Then Emmett calls from the top of the house's saying'I believe I can fly' 'weeeeeeeeeeee'

And a big THUMP!

'How did he get up there with us not knowing?'

'I think looking at ' Edward says loudly

'I can hear you' Jacob siad

'I know that's why I said it loud'

Emmett comes through the door skipping 'I want to play hide and seek'

'Em, ok, you hide and I count to 12,200'

'Okay, bye jazzy' Emmett

'DON'..'

'Ok.....jazzy' Emmett runs (vampire speedx2)

2 hours later

'Where's Emmett' Esme calls

'We don't care' everybody calls

"Uh oh he's gone to the volturi to ask for some sugar"

**Find out what will the Cullen's do, in the next chapter.**

**That's all folks**

**Review review :) **


	4. trouble

**Hey everybody**

**Well, this is my new chapter**

**Hope you like it**

**Chp.4-trouble **

**Es (pov)**

I was cooking in the kitchen, I don't know why but I like cooking human food.

I notice that the living room was empty; usually there would be fighting or maybe even screaming.

I went into the living room, everybody was in their pyjamas.

'Where's Emmett?' I asked

'We don't care!' Edward replied

'UH-OH he's gone to the volturi to as for some sugar'

Everybody burst into laughter except or Rosalie and me, she looked like she was really fed up of these bet.

**Alice (pov) **

In my vision was; Emmett had walked through the door and asked for some sugar I saw Jane getting very angry

And the rest all blurry I hope he's alright

'Where can he be?' Esme asked.

'Jasper I thought you were looking for him' rose said

'When I got to 20 I just got bored and went to buy a new guitar hero since someone broke mine,

Rose looks very angry and worried she got up and said 'let's go save him'

'Wait we have to wait for Carlisle' he knows what to do when it came to the volturi.

We waited 2 hours at least

And rose kept saying 'lets go!!'

Then at last Carlisle came, rose ran up to him and 'let's go, we have no time'

'Wait, where?'

'To the volturi come on we have no time'

Carlisle was all confused

We explained to him, he got really angry, and then we went.

**Em (pov)**

Hmmmm, I wondered where jasper was.

Ooh I'm hungry lets go huntie.

Uhh this blood tastes bitter, good thing I'm in Italy.

Let's visit my old friends, really really old friends the volturi

I have to ask them for some sugar and I'm in the mood for some chocolate.** (A/n: he doesn't know he hates human food)**

Ill just skip along to their hideout.

I hummed the theme song from James bong.

I would love to be a secret agent.

I was in the office when the scary secretary said I could go in.

Aro was there to greet me 'ahh Emmett what pleasant surprise' he had his evil grin on.

I saw Jane in the background along with Alec they had the same grin. Could this me a mistake all I want is some sugar and some chocolate and maybe a tiny bit of ice-cream and some jellybeans Maybe he could make me a sandwich and a glass of coke and some more jellybeans and……………………

**Will Emmett's list go on and will the Cullen's reach there in time??**

**Find out what happens next **

**Review please :).**


	5. human food ugh !

**Hey everybody **

**Hope you like it **

**Chp.5- human food ugh…..**

**Aro (pov)**

Emmett McCarthy Cullen just came in the door.

Wonder why? Anyway I was hungry; I can't do this to Carsile

Well he's not here, just one bite it won't hurt anyone I think

'Ahh Emmett what a pleasant surprise'

He thought for a while, and then he said

'Im hungry make me a sandwich aro and some coke'

'Have you gone completely mad????' Caius said

Emmett started crying, WHAT!!, vampires don't cry.

'I want a sandwich wahhhhh' he yelled

'Ok demetri go get him a sandwich'

'What's a sandwich?' he whispered

'I don't know'

'I think I know, I be right back'

'Ok don't worry he will get you a sandwich'

'And some coke' he yelled to demetri

'So what brings you here?'

'Umm' he thought 'on yeah, I wanted some sugar'

'What???'

'I believe he said sugar' Jane whispered

'I know what he said go get him some sugar what ever it is' I commanded her, I like feeling the boss.

Jane went away and demerit came back with a person dressed has a witch a covered with sand

'Here you go Emmett'

He handed over the person

'That's not a sandwich and whereas my coke WAHHHH'

He cried again

'Wonder what he's doing here, hmm'

'I want to tell you something' he asked

'Ok Emmett what is it' I asked

'You're FAT' he yelled

'Excuse me!!!!!'

'Yes your fat and so is Jane and alec and cauis'

They all stood up 'WHAT!!'

They started looking at them self's

'YOU'RE ALL FAT' he yelled

'Have you ever heard of exercise?'

I looked at him surprised

**Find out when will the Cullen's come will they be too late **

**When will Emmett stop insulting them?**

**When will Jane return with the sugar?**

**Find out in the next chapter**

**Review please it would mean a lot**

**Thanks**

**Christal **


	6. stop right there

**Hey everybody,**

**Hope you like it **

**Chp.6 – stop right there**

**B (pov)**

We rushed to Italy; as soon as we arrived we crossed his scent towards the volturi.

'What shall we do with this boy?' Esme said

'We could sell him' japer answered

Rosalie hit him

Jacob was trotting a long with his shoes and make up and dress, Alice made a deal with him that he will keep that on for 24/7 and no earings. He was complaining all the way here

'I do not like this ugly horrible, despicable (**A/n I think that's how you spell it)** monstrous,' the way to Italy

He stopped

Alice said 'the city isn't that bad'

'Ugh I was talking about the dr... .'

'We are here' carsilie interrupts

We rushed passed the reception and has we got closer we could hear Emmett 'I want my jellybeans!!!!'

'Oh my god' Carlisle puts his hand on his head

'Be burst through the door just in time to see Emmett and cauis doing the tango. Cauis was so so so angry and aro was surprisingly laughing.

'Stop right there' Carlisle said

They all busted to laughter

We then knew why they were laughing, were in pyjamas.

'We forgot to change darn it' I said

Emmett ran to jasper 'MUMMY' then suddenly jasper ran for his life I think vampire speedx100.

'Jane your back with the sugar'

'Here you go Emmett Cullen!!!!'

'Why are you all in pyjamas?' she asked

'Long story short, we forgot' Rosalie replied

'Oh is it time for the slumber party??'

'No, were going home' Edward said

'What if I don't want to go home?'

'Then I'll take ducky to a magical place called the BIN' Edward yelled

'Oh thank eddy he's never been there.'

'It means no ok'

'Nooooooooo, not Mr. Ducky!!!' Emmett cried

'Jane that's not …'too late Emmett grabbed out of her hand

He through it up in the air ' im singing in the sugar, just singing in the sugar. He through it all over the place and found out it was ketchup it went everywhere. 'Or singing in the ketchup, just singing in the ketchup….'

'So sorry it just that he drank olive oil' carsile explained

'How much!?!?!?' aro asked or yelled

'About……20 litres'

'20 LITRES' aro fainted, I dint know vampires can faint

**Find out what happens next???**

**What will happen to the cullens????**

**Review please **


	7. heave!

**Hello everybody**

**Thanks for your reviews **

**Hope you like this chapter**

**Chp.7- heave **

**B (pov)**

We were all looking at Aro on the ground, Carlisle said

'Well don't just stand there, everybody help Aro of the ground'

'Ready steady, heave… lift… push' Cauis said

'Would you mind helping, lazy bones' Jane says

We all gasped.

'What he is FAT' Jane yells

Then after maybe, let's say 2 hours or it could have been the whole day we…..lifted up Aro, man he's heavy.

Well you've eaten for the past 4,000 years; you have to get fat sometimes and mean.

'Thank you my friends' Aro said

'Now Aro do happen to know when Emmett's craziness wear off' Carlisle asked

'ummm, you said 20 LITRES I say maybe the next couple of YEARS'

'YEARS!!!' Rosalie screamed

'You're dead JACOB BLACK' she yelled

'Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' he ran to hide with jasper

'Do you have a situation for this mess?'

Then Emmett started to say

'Aro and Jane sitting in a tree,

k-i-s-s-i-n-g' and on and on

Then Jane screamed 'That does it'

Jane went over to Emmett tried to hit him with a knife, where did she get??

When she stabbed Emmett, the knife suddenly broke.

'I'LL GET YOU Emmett CULLEN!!' She yells

'Ohh im scared'

Then he started to do the chicken dance and the Egyptian dance, then jasper started to join .Alice and Rosalie went and grabbed them by the ear.

This was quite funny. Jane came with a baseball bat,

The Emmett grabbed it 'whose up for some baseball'

Doesn't she get he is super strong, if he was normal that still wouldn't hurt him, some smart vampires.

Then Heidi came in 'oh she is hot' Emmett ran over to her

'Oh no he didn't'

'You come back here mister'

How it would help' looks at Emmett running after Heidi and Rosalie after him 'a lot'

'Well there is a plan……

**Find out will Cullen's find there a way???**

**Will Emmett love Heidi or Rosalie??**

**And will Jane find a better weapon??**

**Find out very soon**

**Review :) **


	8. Melanie’s Marvellous Medicine

**Hi everybody**

**We do not own twilight**

**Otherwise we would be very very rich, happy, adored.......... (Sigh)**

**Chp. 8- Melanie's Marvellous Medicine**

**Bella (pov)**

'........we can call our vampire nurse Melanie' Aro continued

You have a vampire nurse'? Carlisle asked

Well you're a doctor' replied Aro

Touché said Carlisile

Aro called using his mobile. 4,000 year old vampire has a mobile, maybe it's an old phone.

It was a brand new touch phone, they surprise me every time.

'Hello' said Melanie

'How are you?'

'Not so bad'

'How's the weather'

'Great'

'A heeeemmmpppppp' Carlisle called

'Do you have a medicine for olive oil'

'Let's see, 1 drop.....2 drops .....'

'How about 20 LITRES'

'......'

'I think she fainted' aro said

'Have you seen ducky!' screamed Emmett on the phone

'Hmm I guess he's the one'

'How did you know' gasped Jacob

'She's physic'

'A HMMMM' coughed Alice

'Alice do you have a bad cold'

'Anyway..........do you have a medicine or what??'

'Let me see.......'

She took 3 hours and Emmett was singing happy birthday to Edward again and again

Edward was banging his head off the wall

'Happy birthday to eddy, teddy,

Happy birthday to eddy the teddy

You smell like a monkey and I want one too.' and over and over.

'Ooh I found it'

'Hooray' everyone yelled

'Oh no that was just for the sugar medicine'

'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww' Edward said

'I found it again'

'Hooray' everyone yelled

'ok so I need to go shopping and.....'

'Hooray can I come'

'It's not for clothes

'Awwwwwwwww'

'Im so lonely, I want my ducky, im on my own' sang Emmett again and again, why does he do that?

'I'll be back soon'

'Awwwwww' Edward said and started banging his head of the wall'

**M (pov)**

I was shopping for the things to cure that boy with the lost duck.

I had to put coffee in a jar filled with;

4 cloves

Nutmeg

Basil

Sage

Ginger

Lots of black pepper

Worcestershire sauce

Cinnamon

Curry powder

Coriander

All spices that I can find

Rosemary

3 spoons of chilipoweder

6 drops hot sauce

I drop oyster sauce

2 glass full vinegar

Horse radish

A glass full barbeque sauce

A blob prawn sauce

1 wasabi herb

3sps cumin

1 curry leaf

Dill

Chives

Sorrel

Mace

Oregano

Poppy seeds

Paprika

Sloe berries

Tulsi

3 peppers

50 cappscon

3 limes

Mustard

3 glasess lemon juice

All the hot and sour stuff, basically that will wake him up

'Excuse me miss, would you like some help??'

'Yeah tell me where I can get acids??

'em, we don't sell them'

'Ok how about salad dressing'

'Sure right this way'

I was at the checkouts when she asked a question

'Why do you need this?'

'For a very very giddy friend' I said darkly

'I'll just be hiding behind a bush in Willacoochie **(A/n-it's an actual place)**

I went back to the lair; there I saw all the volturi and people.

'Ah Melanie, have you got what you need?'

'Yeah'

'Jane gets ready with the medicine' Aro commanded

'Yes my plan will concede and I will get my revenge mawwahhah' Jane said happily.

'You know we can still hear you' said aro

**Will the marvellous medicine work???**

**Will Jane do the work properly??**

**Will Emmett find ducky??**

**Will I ever stop asking these stupid questions??**

**Find out next!!**

**Review it would mean a lot to us and ducky.**

**(P.S- the herbs are actually real we found them on the web)**


	9. note

hey guys!!!!!

sorry i havent been on lately, but school is just get harder and busier and more homework.  
me and ciarra have been bursting with ideas. so more emmett and more chapters.  
i promise *puts hand on heart* they will be a lot more chapters and lot more funnier.  
they will be here soon 


	10. janes marvelous mistake

**!!hey guys!!!**

**hey its what you have been waiting for.....**

**its big**

**its silly**

**and its absolutely full of Emmett, **

**all the rest of the vampires and Jacob**

**and wait for it( drum roll please ) DUCKY!!!!**

**enjoy**

**________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter.9**** Jane's really marvelous mistake**

**JANE(POV)**

I was making my anti-antidote to get back at Emmett chucking ketchup all over me.

oops Edward might hear me emmmm,,,, I'm singing in the rain...wait i don't this song...la la la la...happy birthday to me....

...wait that will make Edward think I'm crazy...ah well.

**Bella(pov)**

I was looking at Edward when he had a strange look on his face. like when Emmett was singing happy birthday to him.

"Edward is everything OK?"

"i don't why but Jane might be crazy" he replied with the same face

"Why?"

"she keeps say happy birthday to herself and say stuff like 'kill Emmett'"

"Aro where's Jane?" i asked

"oh she is making the antidote for the boy" aro pointed to Emmett who was looking through a very large book called 'the ugly ducking'

Wait were did he find that.

"awww poor ducky she must so sad" Emmett whined

"ill save your ducky" called Rose

rose throwed the book in the fire place.

"why would they need a fireplace anyway" i whispered to Alice

"i know it does not go with the room , they should get rid off the medieval stuff that's so 1200 years ago, i mean get with the century"

"Alice its a castle its supposed look old"

"its a castle,i wonder do they have a torture chamber" Jacob said out of the blue

" I'd like to put you in a torture chamber" rose growled

**jane(pov)**

Hmm...its says here to put in all the correct amount at the correct times otherwise it might cause distressing consequences.

i threw all the ingredients in"oops, nobody will notice, i better correct it quick"

oh look here's acid.... ill just put that in...oh look the anti-antidote turns green and bubbling and going purple.

bleach and look hairspray,wait how that get in here.

**two hours later **

"Jane get the antidote" Aro called

i can hear Emmett singing the ketchup song

"and fast" aro said quickly

"I'm coming" i sang

**Bella(pov)**

The antidote looked very very green.

Emmett looked at it " oh Jane brought play dough, I'm going to make a big house so ducky ducky can eat Quackers (**crackers get it)**

and a big pond were he can swim and swim...."

" oh give it too him" Rosalie cries

Jane comes forward with a evil look in her eye and the antidote

"ducky wont let me eat play dough he says its full of acids" Emmett says

"ducky will come back if you take it" rose says

"wait ducky's gone nnnnnnooooooooooo" Emmett wails

Esme came over and took the spoon from Jane" here comes the chooo chooooo train,open up now"

" thank you mommy" Emmett says as he opened his mouth.........................

__________________________________________________________________________________________

that all for now folks

are you angry?

irritated?

do you want to check in to fanfic every day to see if we have put up the next chapter?

excellent. mhhawwaha ( cue evil music and lightening)

review (we and ducky will be waiting)

ciara says:

Don't forget the 3 R's

Review Recycle Regurgitate.


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